How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself because You don’t Deserve it!

Hello my friends!

Last time we talked, we were discussing fear and doubt, and before we even got too far in, I told you that there were benefits of both of them, remember?

I want to write to you about Self-pity today, because I know there is absolutely nothing beneficial about this character.

Self-pity is the Ultimate Road to Failure

  • If you feel sorry for yourself enough, you won’t even try to move toward your goals. There is no need, you will fail anyway.
  • If you compare your failure to other people’s success, but refuse to recognize their hard work and sacrifice, you can just tell yourself that you can never be as successful as they are.
  • Self-pity is addictive. Once you’ve mastered the making of this self-indulgent bed of misery, it’s really easy to curl up in it, instead of risking any actual time and energy to do anything different.
  • Self-pity becomes an insidious pit of slime that will bury you. The bed of misery then becomes your coffin. All your goals, plans, and dreams go with you.

We don’t even like other people to feel sorry for us, why do we do this to ourselves?

Stop the Insanity: Redirect your Mind

  • Take action! Do anything that you can, even small steps towards your goals on a consistent basis. Idleness is a Chuck E Cheese for the devil. Don’t be his playground.
  • Comparing ourselves to other people will always be the apples to oranges comparison. Our makeup, our backgrounds, our circumstances, our goals, are all different from anyone else’s, so that comparison is ridiculous.
  • Focus on helping other people instead of on yourself. No matter what your goals and dreams are, the human aspect of those plans should always be first. As long as you consistently strive toward your goals, it will show. Your clients, your customer, your employee, your family member or friend, no matter who is involved, will benefit, even if you don’t succeed. You are still growing.
  • Gratitude is a fool-proof antidote for self-pity. If we all remember how many blessings we have and how fortunate we are compared to other people, there is no room for self-pity.

“The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation.” – -George Bernard Shaw

Entitlement is at the root of self-pity. The warped thinking that we deserve success without any effort renders the whole satisfaction of achieving our dreams pointless. In the face of all of our obstacles, anxiety, depression, or haters, are we going to allow self-pity to cloud our thinking and hold us down?

What do you do to escape self-pity?

30 Replies to “How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself because You don’t Deserve it!”

  1. Hi Kim, your post really hammers home the reasons why we should never allow self pity to control us. Of course, if we keep thinking about something enough then sooner or later we start to believe it; then the law of attraction just keeps showing us more and more evidence of that which we don’t want and we end up on a slippery slope to hopelessness.

    Exactly why we need to take ACTION before we allow it to get to the stage where it will just be too hard. Action is something that has immediate results, even if it’s in some small way, and therefore we start to feel better and we can carry on building on that.

    Keep up the good work on your website; I’m sure it will help many people 🙂

  2. I suffered from self-pity for a while but I escape from self-pity when I started doing things that I liked or try new things like sports, one of the sports was MMA and that gave some self confidence.

    1. I bet it did, Liliana!

      Wow! That’s so awesome. Good for you, and not only that, but the wonderful benefits of endorphins too!
      Thank you so much for coming by, I appreciate that.

  3. Hi Kim,

    Great post.

    They say that what you spend most of your time focusing on is what you become. If you have a negative mindset, the negative thoughts and actions in your life will prevail.

    But, if you have a positive mental attitude, you will attract positive outcomes.

    I have found a number of times that when I changed my attitude from self-pity to feelings of power, good things started to happen. Not just once, but on several occasions.

    Help others and the positivity will come back to you.


  4. What an excellent post from real life experience! I felt my self on this when I was too young. However I was recovered through prayer and got another real life experience from my situation. I now believe in our destiny and taking other concerns seriously. Thanks for sharing those real life knowledge.

    1. Thank you for stopping by Mzakapon! Prayer is a great way to focus your mind on gratitude and positivity.

      Many blessings! 


  5. Completely true i have spent a lot of times having self pity everytime i try to do stuff and it does not seem to go exactly how i wanted and then i start feeling all hope is lot and i cant make things right anymore. But i think right now im going to feel happy for what i’ve got and not what i have lost. Thanks alot this was helpful

    1. Oh I sure hope so Seun!

      One of the things I do too that helps me is that I try to remember that if something doesn’t work out the way I wanted it to, it is because it was never meant to work that way. I try to trust that how things happen was how it was supposed to be. And, most of the time, the actual events are actually even better than I could have planned. 

      Take care, 


  6. Thanks for this article Kim, it certainly resonates with myself as I have a wife and son who both suffer. Like you said making small steps forward, keeping your mind busy on other tasks is always to get way forward. My son has started to help others and its been a huge benefit to him. He now has his own podcast where he talks about his journey which from the feedback is helping others cope better too. Looking forward to more articles… Thanks

    1. Oh wow Martin, that’s so awesome about your son, I know you’re proud of that!

      I love to see people taking action towards helping others when they are dealing with things, it’s so therapeutic. 

      Thank you for coming by! 


  7. Hi Kim ,

    Great article!

    I appreciate how up front you’ve been with regards to the zero benefits that self pity brings! I completely agree that it can stop you making any forward momentum towards your goals and can even make you regress! Are there any exercises that you can recommend for people who find themselves in a “self pity spiral”?  

    1. Thanks for coming by, Nate, yes. The first step is always action. Action helps you get out of your own head. I personally like affirmations. I have a set I use when I need them. They remind me of my personal responsibility for all of my decisions. They also remind me that I cannot control the actions of other people. I can only control my thoughts. I hope that helps. 

      Thanks again! 


  8. Self-pity is the work of the devil. What the devil and his demons do, they come around us and inflict us with painfulness, Worry, condemnation of our pasts. In fact it cause by person himself or herself and gave grounds to devil to make the situation worse. But the good news is each person has the will power to sat no and make a complete turn. Good article.

  9. I really like the way in which you try to reach the consciousness and to start someone, right into the center of criticism, everyone who reads this needs to think about. I wanted to write which is my favorite sentence, but then I read others again and they are all excellent. Great !

    Best regards,MMA Store-Warrior Spirit

  10. This article is about self pity,and how to overcome it.

    Negative thoughts are things we need to reject, as they lead us on a downward spiral,which produces failure.

          We need to stop comparing ourselves to others. There will always be someone who is stronger, richer, or more beautiful than we are.This is like comparing oranges to apples,everyone is different,comparison is futile.

           Rather we must focus our energies,on Helping Others,those who are sick, or infirm,or needing encouraging.

           We also need to be Grateful for what we have, health, food to eat, a roof over our heads,Remember the little song,” Count your blessings”…… 

            We need to focus outward, on the needs of other people, and we won,t have time to be sorry for ourselves.

    1. So true Robert!

      There are so many things we could be doing and thinking about, for that matter. I appreciate your comment so much! Thank you! 

  11. You are so right about it being addictive. It is a slippery slope which you can easily lost control of your emotion there. 

    For me I try to channel my energy somewhere else, so that I don’t keep focusing on those thoughts. And I try to see things from different perspective- trying to find the good that could arise from the bad. Indulging in self pity will only make things worse, that is my thought. 

  12. The part about seeing others’ successes and recognizing their hard work hit home. I often see their success and envy it and doubt I will ever reach that point but when I thought about recognizing their hard work it made me feel like I can get their too. I just need to keep working hard. Self-pity can be all encompassing and it gets hard to get out of that cycle. Once you tell yourself you’re not good enough and could never be like others you think is successful, then you start to believe it and never try at anything. 

    The way out is through re-training the mind to believe in yourself. Thank you for this.

    1. Thank you Evette!

      Yes, we have to remember we are all human. I try very hard now to compete against myself now, instead of others. I just try to remember to feel joy at other’s success because now I know it’s possible. Now, it’s just a matter of whether or not I want to make the sacrifices they did to get there, right? 

      Thank you so much for stopping by, I really appreciate it! 

  13. Kim Hamlin writes about the dangers of self pity.

    It is one of the most destructive forces in our lives.It gives rise to all sorts of mental, and physical illnesses.

    Why would we subject ourselves, to such a counter productive state of mind.?

    It is so futile to compare ourselves, to the successes of other people, when each of us is so different in our makeup.

    We need to redirect our mind, into positive actions ,helping the aged or in firm,visiting the sick, encouraging those who are depressed or fearful.

    We need to redirect our energies into thankfulness,gratitude is needed to be cultivated,all that we have been blessed with, good health, a place to live, a family,and so much more.

    Why would we, want to waste our time and energy, when we have been so blessed.?

    We have only one life to live, let us rejoice and enjoy our precious time on this earth.

  14. Hi Kim,

    Great tips. I used to suffer from self-pity a fair amount and one day I just realized that it wasn’t getting me anywhere. Feeling sorry for myself was impeding my progress not helping it. We all go through difficult things for one reason or another and often look at others lives and think that they are lucky because they don’t go through the same things. It may be a little different but everyone goes through struggles and it will make us better people in the end. Being grateful for what I have, as you recommend, has also been a huge help.

    1. Oh Dan, thank you so much for that. I’ve wasted alot of time in self-pity too. It’s the worst really.

      Remembering all the blessings I have, every day, or every 10 minutes, if I have to, it always helps me.

      Many blessings!

  15. Excellent article Kim, and I agree with you totally, self-pity is going nowhere…..and comparing yourself to other people, is even worse than going nowhere! As my Dad always use to say, if you think you got it bad, just look around, because there is always someone in worse shape then you are. Thanks for sharing.

    1. That is so true Terry, thank you for that!

      Someone is always going through something much worse than whatever situation we’re in. Your dad was a wise dude!

      Many blessings,

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